Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
