Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The power of my boobs compel you
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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