I wish I could teleport
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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