Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
