bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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