we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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