So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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