what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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