im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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