Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
