i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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