Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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