Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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