literally had 100 drinks last night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
