so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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