Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
