I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
