so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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