I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
