it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
