I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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