she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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