the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
