I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
