Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
