You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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