Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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