11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
