Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
