Sober January is a disaster.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
