The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
