i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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