Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
