Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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