we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Randomize
