i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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