I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
