Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
