its not stalking. its research.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
