Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
