now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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