I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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