Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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