You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So much rum. So many feels.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
