i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
