Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
