Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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