Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
