she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
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He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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