1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
FUCK WHALES
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