I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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