those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
