Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
