I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
