I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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