Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
