Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
