I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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