Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
