just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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