She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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