I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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