My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
