it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
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When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
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I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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