Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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