You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
