two words: eviction party
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
