We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
