Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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