so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize