Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
