trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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