Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
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