the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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