I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
