I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
