Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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