So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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